Writing Tips (add pinch of salt)

Hiya! Okay, you've strayed onto this page because you're thinking "Well if this clown can be a writer, how hard can it be?". Let's find out...

There are many, many books and websites that will show you the path, my young apprentice, and this is one of them. If it should happen to lead you off a cliff, I apologize in advance.

1. Read. A lot. Now I don't mean just the vampire books (which we all know and love but think, hey, do we REALLY need any more?). Read everything in the genre you love (and will therefore be writing) BUT don't overdo it. Read everything else too. It'll add new ideas, new strategies and depth. Neil Gaiman (aka God) was a book reviewer early on in his life. That may be why his books have so many aspects and influences in them. Mythologies from everywhere, history, characters grotesque, divine, beautiful and hideous.  Obviously being a genius helped, but if we can't all be Neil we can at least take a leaf out of his career path and imitate. So read and the wider the better. That may even include poetry (and why not?).

2. No vampires. Please.

3. Take a few classes and/or join a critique group. Hmm, I'm a bit mixed about this. For some critiques work wonders, for others they become a place of cosy stagnation. Ditto with classes and paying for literary consultants to review your work. Be moving forward with whatever you do. Learn, digest, move on to learn some more, from somewhere else. You want to be getting better and that needs harsh lessons. I don't mean you should join critiques to just slag others off (you'll have enough of that in your direction when your published, believe me) but be moving forward. Leave the class with something new, with renewed drive and ideas. If the class/critique is just about tea and biscuits, think again why you're there. If it's for tea and biscuits, stay. If it's about writing, look elsewhere.

4. If you get critical advice, please oh please take six months to learn from it. Seriously. The world is full of impatience. It is not a virtue in writing. Let's say an agent or publisher is intrigued enough to offer you some advice, GREAT! However, they are giving you this because you still have a long way to go. Otherwise they'd ask for your manuscript, wouldn't they? If it was just a tweak here or there, they would ask for your manuscript. If it was just a spot of characterisation, they would ask for your manuscript. Am I being clear? If they have not asked for your manuscript that's because you have AT LEAST six months more work to do on it. Of course be excited that an agent's expressed an interest, all the more reason not to blow it by rushing, eh?

5. Did I mention no vampires? Just checking.

6. Don't follow the industry. There's a mistaken belief that by analysing the market place and reading the trade magazines you'll spot the NEXT BIG THING. All I can say is CREDIT CRUNCH. That was caused because billions of bilions was spent by guys and gals who thought they could spot the trend and didn't. Write what you love love love. You don't want to be the writer following the trend (see vampires) you want to be the one who starts it. You do that by writing what you're passionate about. Chance are there's a lot of other people out there that probably feel the same way too, just looking for that book that speaks to them the way they feel. If it's good enough for Stephenie Meyer it's good enough for you (and me).

7. Know when to quit. Don't labour and labour over a project and drain all life out of it. If your first book is roundly rejected, write another (better) one. Easy!

8. Enter writing competitions. It worked for me. That's one way to stay off the slush pile. Remember editors and agents WANT YOUR BOOK. Make it easy for them by writing brilliantly and winning a few competitions. Because the world of publishing is competitive. Very competitive. There's never enough shelf space or window space or poster space or any of that stuff. You need to be better than the next guy (even if it's me, sob). No-one will cut you slack on the book shelf because it's your first book and maybe the next one will be better if they just give you a chance. Remember you want to be sharing space with Gaiman, Pullman, Rowlings, Meyer and a million others. Why pick yours when they can pick those guys? That's what I mean by competition. Kinda makes me queasy just thinking about it.

9. How to books. Not just a pinch, but a bucketful of salt is required here. I will only tell you the ones I found useful. Some of these are about scriptwriting but lessons can be learnt for novelists too.